Pamper the Lady in Your Life All Year

It's almost Valentines Day, her birthday, or your anniversary. You want to really treat your wife this time but aren't sure what to do. I know that you can find all sorts of expensive things to do, but how often can you do them? How much will that expensive, one-time thing help your relationship? Do you know what she really wants from you?

Maybe this year for your extra special occasion you can give her the little something that you've been neglecting all year long. A little pampering. I know, I know. It's not a Disney vacation, nor is it a day in a spa. But it is worth much more than a world cruise will ever be, and a little selfless service from you will lay a solid foundation to build the next chapter of your life together.

So, what is it she really wants from you? I can't answer that, specifically - but she can. Take the time to get to know your wife. What is it about you that caught her eye all those years ago? Do you know what she aspires to be? Can you write down what her deepest desires are? Just because you live together or have been married for a number of years don't assume that you know the answer. Men and women react very differently to things, and see things from vastly different points of view. Learn what it is that pushes her buttons. Study her intently, if you desire to give her what she wants, you will have to know what pushes her buttons. Write down your findings, you are a man, you'll forget.

Did you hear what she just said? Were you listening? Because men and women don't see listening in the same manner. To a man, if you say it and I hear it, I listened to you. To a woman, you just heard her. But you didn't listen to her. Give her the attention that she deserves. Focus on her as if she were a fish about to bite your lure, or your boss at the beginning of an important meeting. Keep eye contact with her, but don't stare blindly. That is just creepy.

Show interest in what she has to say. Occasionally paraphrase what she just told you, that way she will know that not only were you hearing her, you understood her as well. Which is the whole point of this topic. She wants to share her day with you, but she isn't paying you psychiatric fees so don't try and fix her problems. That is one of the major reasons fights start, and men seem to never know why. Forcing your answer upon her is like telling her that you are smarter and better than her, and that you know how to better run her life than she does. Don't be that guy.

Do the little things just for her. It doesn't have to be all of the time, sometimes is okay – just more than it is now. If you plop down in front of the television and she sits in the room with you, change the channel to something that you know she would rather watch. Maybe you could help her fold the laundry when you see her carrying the basket up the stairs, or just help her with chores in general. An easy suggestion is to watch the kids for her so she can go out with the girls. Put what you have learned from studying her to good use and do something that you know will be appreciated. A little forethought goes a long way.

When was the last time you brought her flowers? Jewelery? Okay, it doesn't have to be extravagant but getting something just for her shows that you were thinking about her. Surprise her with her favorite candy form the grocery store one day. Get her a card that shows how much you care, just because. Even the old standby of sending her flowers at work is a great idea. Not only will she love it, but she will be the center of attention at work as the other women swoon over what a wonderful guy she has – reinforcing what you want her to think anyway. The little things really do make a difference!

I have read a little from motivational speakers, and something that seems to remain a constant is that affirmations work. I know how you feel and she knows how you feel, but if you say those three little words you and her will both be able to know that you love her. And it will grow, day by day. Don't let a day go by where you don't tell her those magic words. But it doesn't always have to be spoken words. Hide love notes, little ones, in spots that only she will find them. Stuffed in her towel. Between two pairs of socks. In her purse. If you think about where you are sticking them, you can map out a plan that will have her finding these all day long. Guess who will have been on her mind all day?

I know that you are busy. She is busy too, but you need to have time together to be a couple. If you are not together as a couple, then you are apart and I know that is the last place you want to be. You have to make the time. Schedule a date night. Give up a football Sunday to take her to the mall. Your car can skip one wax job so that you can take her to the movies. Remember when you were first going out? What was it that you enjoyed doing, you know, the things that helped you fall in love with each other? Put her first every once in a while.

Make time for yourself. You thought this was going to be all about her, didn't you? She didn't decide to go out with you, or even marry you because you were just like her girlfriends. If that is what she wanted then we wouldn't be having this conversation right now, she'd be with them and not with you.

She needs her big, strong man. The man that belches when he's had a few beers after he's been working on the motorcycle all day. She wants her plaid shirt, torn jeans wearing man with all of his shortcomings more than she wants a girlfriend. So go out and enjoy yourself with the guys. Scratch yourself, and do all of the other things that make you who you are. You can still be you and be the kind of guy that is sensitive to her needs. You won't regret these little changes, and neither will she. As a matter of fact, I am sure they will make your life a whole lot better.